Self Sabotage

Are you your own worst enemy?  Do you continually undermine the positives in your relationships, setting yourself up for failure? You may be sabotaging your own life, creating your own destruction and not even realize what you are doing to yourself.  Self-defeaters have an uncanny way of creating chaos and turmoil, often just as their lives have become settled and calm.  Thriving on emotional upsets, they just can’t seem to find happiness when their lives are peaceful.  Unfortunately, no matter how hard they seem to try to stop hurting themselves, they just keep repeating the same failures. The underlying roots of self-defeating behaviors are based on a fear of intimacy and a chronically low self-esteem.  Most people that engage in these behaviors don’t feel worthy of praise or happiness, they truly don’t know how to handle positives.  

Read the list below and check  any of the following that apply to you.  

____ I often find that when things are going smoothly in my life or relationship, I feel unsettled or anxious. 

____ If my partner treats me with love and respect, I have felt smothered.

 ____ When things are going well in my life or relationship, I have a hard time feeling that it’s real.

 ____ My life always seems to be full of crisis and chaos.

 ____ I have pushed my partner away when he/she has tried to be intimate or loving toward me.

 ____ I have problems giving myself fully to my partner when in a loving committed relationship.  I hold back emotionally or sexually.

 ____ I often like to “test” my partner to see if he/she is really loyal and committed. 

 ____ Just when I seem to get my life in order, I have an urge to abuse drugs or alcohol, or create some type of trouble for myself or for others.

 ____ I tend to think if I get too close to my partner he/she will control me or engulf me- so I end up pushing him/her away when things start getting close.

 ____ In my parents’ relationship, there was a definite inequality in power. One of my parents was excessively dominant or controlling.

 ____ I was physically, emotionally or sexually abused as a child. Or was exposed to domestic violence in my home.

 ____ I get bored when my relationship is too peaceful- sometimes I get a rush from fighting and arguing.

 ____ I have tried to end a relationship that was going well, because I figured I better end it now, before my partner decides to break up with me.

 ____ When my partner does or says nice things to me, I wonder if my partner is up to something.

 ____ I have difficulty accepting compliments.

If you checked the majority of these characteristics, you may be sabotaging yourself.  Examine the characteristics that you checked and consider how your behaviors have impacted your relationships.  If you find there is a pattern, you can work to change it.

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