Parenting

20 Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

1. The word discipline is derived from “disciples”.  Disciples are people who teach by example.  If you hit, verbally abuse, or beat your children into submission, you are teaching them to be violent and abusive.  They will follow your example.
2. Punishment doesn’t work.  Save punishment only for extreme situations.
3. Catch your child doing something right.  Look for every opportunity to praise or commend your child on what he/she is doing right. 
4. Punishment causes the child to become sneakier in an effort to avoid getting caught.  The behavior continues, and the child just gets better at concealing it.
5. The goal is for the child to internalize a set of values and actions directed by an internal feeling of what is right and wrong, not to behave just because of the fear of punishment.
6. Explain why something is right or wrong.  Don’t just demand compliance.  The child needs to know and learn the reasons why we do the right things.  
7. Give your child simple responsibilities and chores, this builds a feeling of competence.
8. Teach your child to be empathetic, helpful and respectful to both people and animals.  Talk about how the choices we make affect others.  Example:  If your son is bullying another child, have him pretend that he is the other child, and  describe how he would feel if someone was bullying him. Focus on the feelings this would elicit in him.
9. Validate your child’s feelings.  Your child has a right and need to express them (Example:  "I understand you are angry and I can see that you are frustrated" versus saying “stop crying” or “don’t get so angry”).  We all need to know that we are being heard.  Validating can prevent tantrums or explosive anger outbursts.
10. After validating the feeling, tell them that you see things differently.  (Example: “I hear what you are saying and understand that you think it’s my fault.  However, I see things differently.  This kind of behavior toward me is unacceptable, and I want it to stop” or “I understand that you are angry, and it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit someone or destroy things when you are angry").
11. Listen to your child.  Make time to read or talk about the days events together.
12. Talk about feelings.
13. Ask for your child’s opinion on matters.
14. Give your children choices, teaching them how to make sound decisions.
15. Let natural consequences speak for themselves.  Never say “I told you so” or “You should have listened to me” when something doesn’t work out.  Never give long lectures.
16. Show your love through your actions.  Don’t expect someone to know you care without showing it.  Love is not just a word or feeling, but an action.  We show our love in the things we do.
17. Take every opportunity to hug or give reassuring (non-sexual) touches to your child.  Touch activates a chemical in the body called “oxytocin”.  Oxytocin stimulates feelings of love and attachment. 
18. Plan educational, meaningful activities that stimulate learning and growth.
19. Expose your children to other cultures and ideas--broaden their view on the world.
20. Be aware of your own issues and shortcomings and work to resolve them.  Set a good example.  Be the person you want your child to be.